#2 – Well ok

So this will be a personal post, because while the goal itself is still important, I also need a place to write my thoughts instead of bothering my friends with them.

Today is one of those days, when I really want to die. Not really, or actively, but you know that sinking feeling when something bad happened and suddenly there is an empty vacuum inside your chest? That is what I feel constantly. When you are nervous about an upcoming exam or interview, and you feel your chest tighten, that is what I feel constantly. And it is an unbearable feeling believe me. There is nothing I can do to make it go away.

Literally. I tried everything, and there is nothing that helps. Self-destruction in any form helps distracting me from this pain. You know when you’re at the dentists, and you grip something a little too hard to have something to focus on. That is how I understand self-harm comes from. Because that is a pain you can control. Choosing not to eat, to drink too much alcohol, to do things that you know will cause you physical or emotional pain, these are things that you are able to control by your actions more than the uncontrollable, unbearable pain in your chest.

I don’t know what it is, I don’t know how to stop it. This has been going on for a long time, at least three years that I can remember. When something interesting was happening to me, I could say that that was the reason, and pour my energies into trying to solve it. If I socialize too much, I can say that that’s where the pain comes from, from exhaustion. But this is just me being messed up. And there is no point in telling anybody, although I did at various points, because there is nothing they can do to help. Even if there is nothing wrong in my life, I still want to die.

#1 – Start

I am writing this blog because I finally found my way of saving the world.

Getting people to buy less.

Specifically the people who are already buying too much, consume too much. I am reading Daniel Miller’s book, Acknowledging Consumption for an essay, and everything I’ve been working towards this past year has clicked.

This year, I tried to become a happy version of myself. First, I realized that I spend way too much time and energy on people who make me feel worse. I buy too many things that I do not ever use, just for the little rush of happiness at the moment of purchase. There are too many things to choose from in the supermarket, too many things to do, too many colors in Paint. So I’ve found minimalism less, and I have been trying to reduce my consumption because the cluster and the ghost of unused products make me sick. I choose to only spend time with people who I actually like, and what I deem valuable. That is the whole point of buying and consuming less anyway. You will be more careful in choosing what you consume. You will spend money on things that are actually of value for you. Spend your time in a way that is valuable. I’ve found that this principle is the best path for me towards personal happiness.

And now this book, which basically points at consumerism and capitalism as the main reasons for poverty and hunger in the world, has finally confirmed that this is the right path for humanity too.

The only question is how to make other people choose this path. Because it will only work if it moves the masses. Veganism took an incredibly long time to finally have an impact, to have vegan food appear in supermarkets, produced on big scale. And veganism looks like some kind of cult or too hard for most people. So if I really want to make a change, it should be in a way that is incredibly easy to understand, and most of all, incredibly easy to follow.

As a start, I promise to think about this every day. To sit down, and write a new post. Because the proof that this is the right way is out there. And I don’t think just writing about it, compiling all the evidence is the best way forward. No one has the energy to read difficult and huge amounts on analysis. And it doesn’t make sense to make big claims without the research to back it up. So I think I should just make one claim, one very simple claim, and let people do their own research, start blogs, write articles about it.

So the claim could be something like this: Do Less. It goes against everything you’ve ever been told (probably). So I will think about how to spread this message. And also try to follow it myself.